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<title>will you hold me again? by coldor17</title>
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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27504943">will you hold me again?</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/coldor17/pseuds/coldor17'>coldor17</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Julie and The Phantoms (TV)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, Anxiety, Anxiety Attacks, Backstory, Depression, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Sad, Storytelling, alex and luke are exes, its a sad one yall, no beta we die like men</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-11-11</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-11-11</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-18 02:20:57</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Not Rated</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>3,241</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27504943</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/coldor17/pseuds/coldor17</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Alex can’t find Willie after the boys are saved from Caleb. Sure everything else is fine, but Alex can’t focus on any of that until he can find the boy who means so much to him. And right now, there’s only one person who might even have a sliver of a chance of making him not feel empty.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Alex &amp; Luke Patterson &amp; Reggie (Julie and The Phantoms), Alex &amp; Luke Patterson (Julie and The Phantoms), Alex/Luke Patterson (Julie and The Phantoms), Alex/Willie (Julie and The Phantoms), Julie Molina &amp; Reggie</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>6</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>145</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>will you hold me again?</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Two weeks ago, Alex went through the most “life-giving” experience of his afterlife. The boys were able to get Caleb’s stamp off of them and they could actually physically touch lifers rather than pass through them. The band partied all night (or rather until Julie said good night).</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Oh, the whole group was so excited. They could finally become visible to Flynn, who was freaked out as much as they were and even accused them of being able to do this the whole time and that they were just holding out on her. That took a little bit to explain. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>One thing was very wrong though, at least to Alex. Willie had been nowhere to be found. Alex went looking for the very cute skater boy, but with no luck. Alex had a lot of regret from when he died, not making up with his parents, the way he and Luke’s relationship ended, not graduating freaking high school. He didn’t want this to be another regret. Alex had to find Willie. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He went to the Boulevard, where he met the long-haired boy. Nothing. He went to the art museum. No Willie. He checked the park and the parking lots Willie skated in. Alex even looked up who Justin Bieber was and found his pool. Nothing. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Maybe he thinks we crossed over,” Alex murmured to himself as he walked down a very crowded street. He was glad he could control who he was able to phase through. Sure, physical touch was a good thing, but right now, Alex didn’t want any. He kept his head down, let his thoughts wonder of all the other possibilities where Willie could be. And of course, he smacked right into someone’s shoulder. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Catching himself, Alex turned to see a middle-aged lady who looked a little too… overdressed. She was wearing a dress that seemed to jump straight out of a history textbook and her hair was kept in a modest bun. “I’m so sorry!” Alex began, “I didn’t see you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The woman looked at Alex and her eyes went wide. “It’s okay! Gotta go,” she quickly said, before literally running the opposite direction. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Wait!” Alex shouted, running after her. He caught up very easily, he didn’t have a dress restricting his stride and he wasn’t wearing high heels. “Why are you trying to run? I said I was sorry. Are you okay?” he questioned her. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The woman looked around as if she were looking for someone. “I know who you are,” she said, very ominously. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay,” Alex said, letting the word draw out. “I don’t know you, so you have me at a disadvantage.” Alex was very aware he was letting his sarcasm get involved. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“My name’s Mabel. I’m from the club.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Caleb’s club?” Alex asked. Now that he thought about out, she did seem a little familiar now. Maybe he had seen her at the club a few times. Mabel nodded. “So why run?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Mabel again scanned the area. “If we see you, we’re supposed to report you to Caleb. He isn’t happy that you were somehow able to remove his stamp.” She eyed him up and down. “Speaking of which, how did you do that? How are you free?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex shrugged. “Honestly, no concrete answer here for you.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Can you help me? My husband?” Mabel pleaded, giving Alex a desperate look. “We’ve been members for nearly 95 years. We just want peace.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex’s heart ached. “I’m so sorry,” he began. “If I knew, I would help free everyone.” Something clicked in Alex’s head. She said Caleb had the members on the lookout, so why hadn’t he been able to find Willie? Wouldn’t he try to find Alex and the others right away?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Can I ask you something? Where’s Willie? He and I got really… close.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Mabel looked down at the sidewalk, the sky darkening above them. “I know you were. Everyone knew.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What do you mean?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Mabel looked back up at him, tears in her eyes. “Caleb discovered that William had been helping you all, so…” she trailed off. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex’s heart was beating so fast and caught in his throat. His stomach was tight and his legs started to tremble. “So, what?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Mabel took a deep breath. “So, Caleb banished his soul. Destroyed young William in front of the whole club and said that was the consequence of helping you.” A tear fell from her eyes. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The world stopped spinning. Alex couldn’t believe what he had just heard. Willie was gone? Forever? No happy ending, no crossing over? If Alex wasn’t already dead, he was sure he would have dropped there. “What?” Alex breathed out, so softly he wasn’t sure if he actually said anything. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m so sorry, dear.” Mabel put her hand on his arm. “He cared about you a lot.” Alex saw spots, he couldn’t breathe. “Dear, I’m so sorry, but I have to go. I can’t be seen with you or else… I might suffer the same fate.” And with that, Mabel poofed away. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex tried catching his breath, to no avail. He dropped to his knees, clutching his chest. This couldn’t be happening. No, Willie was fine. Caleb was reasonable, he wouldn’t hurt Willie. Alex knew that was false, but damn he couldn’t face the truth. Letting out a hollow and broken sob, Alex poofed back to the garage, not even noticing the lifers that had stopped and tried to determine where such a heart-wrenching sound even came from. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex could tell where he was without even looking. He could smell the wood of the old walls, he could feel the carpet beneath him. He could feel the presence of someone else in the room. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Looking up, still gasping for air, Alex saw Luke on the couch, looking over at the blond boy, wide-eyed and concerned. Everything was still a blur for Alex. He didn’t even see Luke move, but he could feel his hands on his shoulders. “ Alex! Come on, man, breathe.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex tried to focus on the shorter boy, tried to focus on the blue sleeveless hoodie, his hair, his nose, literally anything. Finally, Alex inhaled. It sounded ragged, but honestly, he couldn’t tell. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey, hey, hey,” Luke’s voice drew him back to reality. “You’re safe, you’re okay. Just breathe.” Alex slowly nodded and took a few more deep breaths. “Can I hug you?” Luke asked concern and worry colored his face. Alex nodded and was immediately embraced. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Then, he broke again. Letting himself tuck his face into Luke’s shoulder, Alex’s whole body trembled and he let out another sob, letting tears finally drop. He cried for a long time. Luke didn’t protest, didn’t move so that he wasn’t in an uncomfortable position. He just rubbed circles into Alex’s back and held the boy while he cried. “You’re safe, you’re here in the garage. You’re loved.” Luke whispered the things he knew Alex needed to hear during an attack like this. It has been a long time since he’d seen Alex this bad. The last time was when Alex had come out to his parents and they kicked him out. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex sat up, tears staining his face, eyes red. “He’s gone, Luke.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Luke stared back at the blond boy. “Who’s gone, man? Who?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex’s lips quivered. “Willie,” he whispered. “Caleb destroyed his soul. For helping us. For caring about me.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Luke couldn’t believe it. He knew Caleb was crazy but he never expected this. Hell, that almost happened to them. He pulled Alex in again and held him as Alex started to let tears fall again. Continuing his circular hand movements on Alex’s back, Luke tried to think of the words to say to his best friend, but couldn’t. This was a first for Luke. What was he supposed to say? There’d be another cute ghost boy for Alex soon enough? That they’ll find a way to bring Willie back even though they knew that it was permanent? So instead Luke said nothing. He just held his best friend. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Luke couldn’t tell how much time had passed. Alex had stopped crying, but he was still in the same position and sniffing. Luke’s leg has started to go numb from supporting his weight for so long. “Alex? Hey, what do you need?” Luke asked sincerely. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex didn’t say anything right away. He sniffed once more before pulling back to look Luke in the eyes. Oh, how it broke Luke’s heart to see Alex like this. With a flushed face, red eyes, and nose and still watery green eyes, Luke registered it as one of the top things he never wanted to see again. “Will - will you hold me again? Like you used to do?” Alex’s voice was quiet and weak. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Luke sighed deeply. “Are you sure? You’re the one who said we shouldn’t do that anymore if we aren’t together.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know!” Alex cried out, looking down, a new set of tears looking ready to fall. “I know. But right now, you’re the only person who makes me feel… anything.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Alex,” Luke said, softly, voice filled with genuine concern. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Please, Luke.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Luke paused. He didn’t want to betray Alex’s prior wishes but he also wanted to honor his present one, too. Luke nodded. “Alright, anything for you, man.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The two poofed from the ground to the other side of the garage where the couch was. Luke was sitting straight up while Alex was halfway curled up in Luke’s lap. Luke’s hand was wrapped around Alex’s back to hold him steady and hold him near, while his other hand instinctively went to Alex’s hair, playing with it in a calming manner. “It’s gonna be okay,” Luke whispered into Alex’s ear. “If this gets too much for you, I’ll stop immediately.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex didn’t nod, meet Luke’s eyes or anything. Just a small, wounded response. “Just don’t leave me, too. You mean too much to me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Luke let his own tears fall as he pulled the blond boy in close. His sobs rocked through his body and into Alex’s. Luke was angry. Angry at Caleb for what he did to them. For what he did to Willie. What the universe was doing to his best friend. Alex didn’t deserve any of this. He didn’t deserve a painful life and he sure as hell didn’t deserve a painful afterlife as well. “Alex,” Luke breathed. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Luke, please.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Luke took a deep breath and nodded. He would respect the blonde’s wishes. So rather than try to build Alex up like he usually would, he just continued to cradle the broken boy. Luke wanted to reassure him that he could overcome this just like he overcame everything else in his life, that Alex was strong enough. But right now, the strong, wonderful man Luke knew all too well needed a moment to be weak. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Luke looked up to see the golden orange light of LA’s sunset peek through the garage windows. Time seemed to pass so fast. Luke looked down at asked to see the boy staring right back at the brunette. No, not at him. Through him. Alex’s green eyes were unfocused and blurry. Luke’s heart cracked at the sight. Alex had been such a bright light in his world that it was still so weird to see such a dark side. Luke readjusted himself slowly, as to not disturb Alex, and pulled the blond boy back into his chest. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Luke heard a soft poof from his left. Slowly spinning his head around, Luke met Reggie’s concerned expression. Reggie opened his mouth, and Luke could see the question forming in his eyes. He just quickly shook his head so that hopefully Reggie wouldn’t intrude or scare Alex. Reggie stopped moving altogether. Instead, he gestured to the door. It clicked Luke’s head. Julie was getting home from school, it was rehearsal time. ‘</span>
  <em>
    <span>Stop her’ </span>
  </em>
  <span>Luke mouthed in Reggie’s direction. Reggie nodded and pointed at Alex, who was still curled up in Luke’s lap. ‘</span>
  <em>
    <span>I’ll explain later’</span>
  </em>
  <span>. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Reggie nodded and poofed out of the garage. Thankfully, he landed right in front of Julie, who was about to open the door. “AHH!” Julie screamed, shocked by the sudden appearance of one of her best friends. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“AGH STOP!” Reggie screamed back. “Don’t scare me like that.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Me scare you?” Julie pondered. “Bro, you’re the one who jumped me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, right.” Suddenly the tall boy realized he had no idea what he was going to say to Julie to keep her out of the studio. “Uhhh, how was school?” Reggie did his best to seem like he wasn’t hiding anything, although why was he acting like that? What a weird situation. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“School was fine!” Julie answered, cheerfully. “Flynn says hi. Should we get inside?” Julie pointed at the studio doors right behind Reggie. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, uhhh, you know, I think we should go see what your dad is up to! You know I love spending some quality time with Ray!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Julie glared at the boy. “Reg,” she began. “What’s going on?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Well. Reggie tried. He sighed. “I have no clue. All I know is today is a day that we need to not be in there.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Julie didn’t look satisfied with that answer. So, she pushed through Reggie (who was a little stunned and shocked over the action) to peek inside the garage. Julie did not expect to see Alex curled into Luke’s lap. She also saw the dried tears on Luke’s face. “Reggie, what’s going on?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I really don’t know, Jules,” Reggie answered. “It has to be pretty bad, though”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Julie turned towards the bassist. “What do you mean?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Reggie stuffed his hands into his pockets. He knew it wasn’t his story to tell, but he also knew Julie could be trusted with the information. Honestly, Reggie was a little surprised that Luke hadn’t told her about him and Alex yet. “Let’s go up to your room,” he decided. “You’ve got a little bit of a history lesson to learn.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The walk up into and through the house was quick, with Julie anxious to begin. She kissed Ray on the cheek and told him she was going to be watching a video for class. Julie laughed to herself when Reggie made a big deal of waving hello to Ray, even though Ray couldn’t tell. Julie closed the door to her room and sat on her bed, watching as Reggie pulled up her desk chair to the foot of the bed. “So, what’s up?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Reggie took a deep breath and scratched at his wrist. “Look, I don’t know what you know about our pasts. But we should have already told you everything.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Julie didn’t even think about it. The past wasn’t really something the group focused on. They all wanted to look forward to the future - together. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We all had pretty rough home lives - Luke and his parents fought all the time-“ Julie nodded, as she already knew about Mitch and Emily. “My parents fought with each other, Bobby’s parents didn’t pay him any attention, and Alex’s kicked him out when he told them he was gay.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Julie’s heart sank. She knew a little bit about the boy’s past, but clearly not everything. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, we all spent a lot of time in the garage,” Reggie continued. “It was Sunset Curve’s place to be. It was our home. So, one night when my parents were arguing, I had to leave. I came here. And I pulled open the door to find Luke and Alex exactly how they are now.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Alex had just left his place for the last time, just told his family he liked boys. His dad gave him five minutes to get his things and get out of the house. He wasn’t allowed to talk to anyone - not his mom, his sister, his brothers. So he came here… to where his boyfriend was.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Julie’s heart broke for her friend. She had only ever heard horror stories about families not accepting their kids, but not around here. Every person she knew that was gay or bi had a loving and accepting family. “Wait, who was his boyfriend?” Julie questioned. Reggie just gave her a look, as if to say ‘figure it out‘. “Oooh.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Reggie nodded. “Yeah, but I won’t tell you about Luke, that’s more of his thing.” Julie nodded in agreement. “But yeah, neither Bobby nor I knew about them. But we were crushed when we learned about Alex’s family. Bobby offered the garage for him since he needed a place to stay.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Bobby did?” Julie asked, confused. The guys had always painted Bobby - or Trevor- as the bad guy. Hell, they even tried to haunt him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Reggie nodded. “Bobby was our best friend. It really sucks right now since he stole all of our hard work, but back then, he was there for us whenever we needed someone. And Alex needed us. Though he didn’t say it. Alex ended up in a bad place for a while. He wouldn’t get up from bed, he refused to eat. It was a really horrible time.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Julie could feel her eyes start to get heavy with tears. She grabbed a pack of tissues from her nightstand. She looked up and saw Reggie have his hand extended for one, as well. She handed him one and they both wiped their eyes. “And now, something’s happened and Alex might be in the same place again.” Reggie nodded. “What happened? Did he get better?” Julie asked. “Clearly he did, but how’d it happen?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, it definitely caused a lot of tension in the band. Luke always thought music could solve everything, but Bobby said he needed time. Luke still wrote Alex a song. Alex couldn’t really even listen to it. They broke up, Alex said Luke couldn’t deal with his emotions and he wasn’t going to force him to deal with them.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“But it wasn’t Alex’s fault that he was going through that!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Luke knew that, but respected Alex’s wishes. Thankfully, they stayed friends. It took Alex a little while but he eventually landed on his feet, got back into music.” Reggie sighed. “Then we got the gig of a  lifetime - the Orpheum.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And then you guys died,” Julie finished. Reggie nodded his head. “Should we go see how he’s doing?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Reggie shook his head. “Not yet,” he said, softly. “Maybe in the morning, but tonight it’s probably best to leave him with Luke.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Julie didn’t want to agree, she wanted to be there for her friend. But deep down she knew Reggie was right. All she could do now was be patient and wait.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Luke continued to play with Alex’s hair, softly massaging his scalp every now and then. Alex had closed his eyes a little while ago, but Luke was almost positive he wasn’t asleep. Alex’s breath was shallow but steady. Clearly, his mind was running wild. Luke wondered what his mind could possibly be telling him right now.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The brunette shifted his body carefully to move the other boy. Luke removed himself from a cradling position to lay Alex fully out on the couch. Grabbing the pillow and placing it under Alex’s head, Luke grabbed his friend’s hand and sat down on the floor next to him. “Hey, Alex. We’ll get through this.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How do you know?” Alex asked, in a quiet and vulnerable voice.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Luke looked up at the blond, surprised by the soft noise. “Like we always do, man,” he said as he ran his thumb over Alex’s knuckles. “Together.”</span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>well sorry if i made yall cry. i cried lol. i hope you liked the story! hopefully i'll be writing more JATP stuff soon!</p></blockquote></div></div>
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